Tantrums vs. Meltdowns - What's the difference?

Most doctors indicate that Autism meltdowns can last anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour and by the end of it both the child and parent (or caregiver) are exhausted. But how can you tell if your child is just having a quick tantrum or an actual meltdown? And how do you prevent full blown meltdowns from occuring? Autism/Aspergs Meltdowns are more seen in boys rather than girls but can occur from both genders. Studies have found that girls with these disorders tend to hold in their feelings and cry rather than converting to anger.

Please note before I begin, that you should know, even a child with ASD & Aspergers can experience normal, everyday tantrums. I have seen this first hand with my daughter, Michelle. She is 31 months old and when her sister's home it feels like all I here is grunts, screams, and crying from her because her personal space & toys are being invaded.

 

These "mini-meltdowns," as I call them, can last from 10 seconds to 5 minutes or longer. Michelle does not verbally communicate so these mini-meltdowns are her way of say "Hey, you are in my space," or "That's my favourite toy, don't touch!"

Be cautious though because these mini-meltdowns are acting as words for the child and can quickly escalate into a full blown meltdown if the situation isn't taken care of right away!

 

The Basic Temper Tantrum:

A basic temper tantrum is very straightforward. A child does not get his or her own way and, as grandma would say, "pitches a fit." This is not to discount the temper tantrum. They are not fun for anyone.
Tantrums have several qualities that distinguish them from meltdowns.

* A child having a tantrum will look occasionally to see if his or her behavior is getting a reaction.
* A child in the middle of a tantrum will take precautions to be sure they won't get hurt.
* A child who throws a tantrum will attempt to use the social situation to his or her benefit.
* When the situation is resolved, the tantrum will end as suddenly as it began.
* A tantrum will give you the feeling that the child is in control, although he would like you to think he is not.
* A tantrum is thrown to achieve a specific goal and once the goal is met, things return to normal.

 

Autism/Aspergers Meltdowns:

If the tantrum is straightforward, the meltdown is every known form of manipulation, anger, and loss of control that the child can muster up to demonstrate. The problem is that the loss of control soon overtakes the child. He needs you to recognize this behavior and rein him back in, as he is unable to do so. A child with autism in the middle of a meltdown desperately needs help to gain control.

* During a meltdown, a child with autism does not look, nor care, if those around him are reacting to his behavior.
* A child in the middle of a meltdown does not consider her own safety.
* A child in a meltdown has no interest or involvement in the social situation.
* Meltdowns will usually continue as though they are moving under their own power and wind down slowly.
* A meltdown conveys the feeling that no one is in control.
* A meltdown usually occurs because a specific want has not been permitted and after that point has been reached, nothing can satisfy the child until the situation is over (even giving in to their want).

* During a meltdown the child will roll, scream, cry, kick, and even injure others or theirselves unknowingly.

Unlike tantrums, meltdowns can leave even experienced parents at their wit's end, unsure of what to do. When you think of a tantrum, the classic image of a child lying on the floor with kicking feet, swinging arms, and a lot of screaming is probably what comes to mind. This is not even close to a meltdown. A meltdown is best defined by saying it is a total loss of behavioral control. It is loud, risky at times, frustrating, and exhausting. Although not all children will injure themselves or others

Meltdowns may be preceded by "silent seizures." This is not always the case, so don't panic, but observe your child after she begins experiencing meltdowns. Does the meltdown have a brief period before onset where your child "spaces out"? Does she seem like she had a few minutes of time when she was totally uninvolved with her environment? If you notice this trend, speak to your physician. This may be the only manifestation of a seizure that you will be aware of.

 

 

 

Here are 10 steps to assist in tantrums & meltdowns.

1. Remain calm. Control your anger.

 

2. Never give in. If you said no, stick to this answer, no matter what.

3. Be sure to go out with your child only when he has eaten and rested. A need that isn’t met is often the cause of a tantrum or meltdown.

4. Say to your child that you understand his frustration or anger. Be compassionate and give an alternative option. If you child doesn’t want it, fair enough, he’ll have nothing at all. Dealing with tantrums takes firmness and understanding.

5. When the meltdown starts, remove all unsafe objects from the area. Help him focus on something else than what bothers him at the moment. React fast before your child becomes out-of-control.

6. Consider a reassuring cuddle. Although this doesn't work with all Autistic children. My I hold my daughter tight in a hugging position and make "Shhhh" sounds in here ear. This seems to help ease the length of her meltdowns (and also ensures she is not hurting herself). 

7. After the tantrum, at the end of the day, when your child is quietly playing or before kissing him goodnight, discuss his tantrum with him/her. Speak softly and explain that you can’t accept his behaviour but that you love him anyways.

8. Avoid his/her "trigger moments". In the long run, meltdowns will occur regardless of praise and efforts so the main piece of advice is to avoid any situation where your child will feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed or where the routine will be affected. Go grocery shopping when the child is at school, in bed, or begin a new "10am grocery store visit" in his/her routine.

9. When a tantrum occurs in a public place, safely remove the child from any area of harm, and away from the "trigger point."

10. Legitimize his feelings of frustration and anger and tell him you feel the same sometimes but you always choose to express them with words and that he can make that same choice. If your child is non-verbal I suggest a "stress ball" or picture book so your child can show you his/her feels before a tantrum occurs.

ESSENTIAL:

When your child launches into a meltdown, remove him from any areas that could harm him or he could harm. Glass shelving and doors may become the target of an angry foot, and avoiding injury is the top priority during a meltdown.

My Facebook Page - The Asperger & ASD Child

Ok so here's just a quick little note to give you the link to my page on Facebook. It's pretty much ready so all we need now is some great members and a lot of conversation and support for eachother!

It's called "The Asperger & ASD Child - From the Testing and Beyond" Here's the link!!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/TheAspergerAsdChildFromTheTestingAndBeyond?notif_t=fbpage_fan_invite

Teach Siblings to Understand Autism & Aspergers!

Siblings of children with Asperger's Syndrome are suffering

Having a child with any type of developmental disability can be very stressful for the parents and the siblings of that child. This may be seen to be even more so at times for children with (physically) hidden syndromes like Asperger's Syndrome.

Children with physical disabilities have a more visible and obvious disability. Whereas children on the autistic spectrum tend to look exactly like other children but can behave very differently.

For siblings this behavior can be difficult to understand even when they are aware of their sibling's ASD. Many siblings can think of their ASD sibling as simply naughty or rude – particularly if they are quite young and unable to fully understand the issues involved.

Siblings may often feel embarrassed around peers, frustrated by not having the type of relationship with their sibling that they wanted or expected, and/or angry that the child with Asperger's Syndrome requires so much of the parents' time. This can often mean the child not wanting to ask friends over to play, as they fear their sibling may embarrass them.

It is hard enough for parents of the child with Asperger's to understand why their child has this syndrome, much less why they behave the way they do.

Teach siblings about Asperger's Syndrome to the extent that they are able to understand. Let them know that it is okay to be frustrated with their sibling who is affected, but it won't help their relationship.

Let siblings know what that child needs, again to the extent that they can understand and provide as normal of an environment as possible. Try to make this as concrete as possible with real life examples of what you mean that they can follow and relate to.

Obviously some family dynamics can make this tricky - but try to make some special parent-child time with the non-Asperger's sibling at least weekly.

In order to do this you may need to look to your family, friends or local social services to offer the child with Asperger's somewhere to go for some respite. Whilst you can then do some activity with their sibling.

This may mean staying in and watching a video or just chilling out in peace. Or it could involve a set activity like swimming, the cinema, walking, shopping etc. Whatever it is try to make it child-focussed so that your child gets to determine what you do (within reason!)

It is often tempting to coddle the child with developmental disabilities, like Asperger's Syndrome, and expect the other children to do so as well. But, the child with Asperger's Syndrome will benefit and learn social skills from their siblings as well, and they should be entitled to a reasonable amount of sibling rivalry as well as any other child.

You don't want to deny the child with Asperger's the typical childhood, which includes fighting over toys and television shows. These formative sibling relationships and experiences have a major effect on children as they grow up (regardless of Asperger's).

So to summarize, siblings need to know enough about their brother or sister's issues to give them an understanding at their level. They also need to know that it is OK to feel some negative emotions at times toward their sibling, and where ever possible they need a little "special" time with you on their own.

For some step-by-step help for siblings of children with special needs, please visit these websites:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2185591_siblings-cope-brother-sister-aspergers.html

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/department41.cfm

http://www.autismlink.com/pages/autism_sibling

http://www.timeforafuture.com.au/fact_sheets/sibling-issues.htm

The Struggle for a Diagnosis - From Start to Unfinished

We all struggle with something once in a while. Our family struggle is to get the appropriate help for my daughter, to educate the people around us, and to make life enjoyable for the three daughters we have.

Since birth we have seen numerous signs of delay in our daughter. Now a 31-month old happy little girl the delays still continue. She does not speak more than 20 words freely, and has trouble socializing with the other children, including her sister, and puts everything in her mouth.

Here is the story of our struggles that have led to her (almost) diagnosis of Aspergers.

The Symptom Struggle:

You watch your child day in and day out from the moment they are born. You notice that they aren't walking like the kids their age but you think "Some kids are just a little slow." You realize they aren't talking or playing with the other kids but it's brushed off to the repetative line: "She's just a little shy." When do you start to think otherwise? When should doctors be called in for a check up? Well the answer is simply - Whenever you as the parent want.

 I began searching Google for Autism & Aspergers symptoms once I came to the realization that my daughter IS different from kids her age. They are advancing but she is staying the same. But there is soooo many sites to chose from it becomes overwhelming. I started to second guess myself and wondering "am I really seeing these things or is it just because I did so much research?" It's difficult because you reach out onto websites, to people; family and friends in hopes that someone will just tell you what is wrong but there isn't.

So when I finally decided to reach out to the doctor I was faced with a survery of 200+ questions to help the doctor better understand Michelle and a 6-8 month wait list. There was so many similarities between questions I felt like I was repeating the same thing over and over again. As the days went on I watched Michelle's every move and began to second guess my findings.

The Daycare Struggle:

Michelle started daycare at a very reputable location. I thought for sure they of all people would be trained in early signs of Autism and how to approach the child. The staff there underwent intense training, schooling, and co-op placements before ever becoming trustworthy of having our children alone. So why are they so blind to see the signs?

Michelle was placed in the "Toddler 2 Group" with children ranging from 18 months to 2 years because they felt she could relate to them better since she doesn't talk. I agreed thinking it would be best for Michelle's self-esteem. The workers in charge of Toddler 2 were enthusiastic, nice, and knew exactly how to get the children excited to be there and the centre was strict on routine, cleanliness, and support....or so I thought!

As the weeks went on I voiced my concerns on Michelle's development and each time I was given the "She's just shy" excuse. it was clear they weren't very educated in Autism. Michelle spent her days there in silence, sitting on a bike by herself and never participated in the group activites. Although she was noteably stressed in the busy environment they felt she was adjusting well.

The doctor suggested they complete a DISC test on Michelle to see if she actually needed help. A DISC test for those of you don't know, is a very VERY small checklist of things she should be doing by age (Ex- jump on one foot, draw a line, match items, and speak words for a 30 month old). The results were Michelle passed! But don't get too excited, I later found out Michelle didn't do anything correctly but the daycare felt it was a good effort and scored her perfect anyways. This is the exact reason why it took us an additional 4 months to receive the speech therapist & an occupational therapist.

Now, back to the survey the daycare received. That was filled out with such disregard for the obvious and Michelle's needs that I almost feel sick discussing it. They noted on the survey, which I have in front of me, that "Michelle mimics often (but all the other children do), Michelle is seen everyday talking back and forth, playing with, associating with the other children., and my favourite: Michelle is just shy." Of course Michelle is just like the other children! The other children are half her age!

I was then faced with a realization; Why is Michelle still at that facility? She doesn't like it there, everything we have accomplished at home goes out the window when she walks in their door, and they are in denial she may be Autistic. It was that moment I removed her completely from the daycare centre. Yes, the pull from routine caused a lot of struggle with Michelle, and a lot of meltdowns occured in both mornings and afternoons at our usual drop off/pick up times but these sacrifices were for the greater good. I need Michelle in a place where I feel she will get the special attention she needs. Somewhere I know she will be noticed and helped. If I can't even depend on the daycare for a proper test score then how am I going to possibly trust them when she's actually diagnosed?

The Doctor Struggle:

Currently we are nearing the end of the whole proccess. We've met with an occupational therapist, speech therapist, a child psychologist, done four questionnaires, a proper DISC test, Nippising tests, two hearing tests and finally, an eye test. The conclusion from all of this is that Michelle has either a form of High-Functioning Autism, or Aspergers Syndrome. She fits Aspergers very well but with her very slowly progressing speech they are confused. To their knowledge children with Aspergers don't have speech delays; Children with Autism do. So, they cannot say with complete certainty which one it is until the specialist actually sees.
Personally I don't really understand why there is even a specialist involved. She doesn't do any of the work. She doesn't conduct any of the tests, the visits, or the surveys. Heck it's been 8 months and she hasn't even met Michelle once. Even when she does, a diagnosisis produced within 45 minutes of seeing her. You can't possibly know my child in 45 minutes! But, I guess she's a blessing in times of confusion like this. It's getting to see her that's the struggle.

The Conclusion:

Even though Michelle hasn't offically been diagnosed by "the specialist" we know it is either Autism or Aspergers and that is a comforting start. I am now able to do activities and plans that benefit her needs appropriately.

The amount of training that the people in charge of providing education to our children is minimal which makes it that much more difficult to get help when you need it. You can easily become very flustered by the amount of questions that are asked and people you meet along the way. You must have a good support system in line for this journey. For me, it's my husband. He is my rock when it comes to all the appointments and stuff. I wouldn't have been able to stay strong without him.

Finally, The two most important pieces of advice are: Have patience, and always take notes. After the daycare failed to see important flags in Michelle and fake test scores I decided to start a journal. It specifies the times, dates, and details of Michelle's delays and problems at home. I wrote down everything she said and did for days in that book and for the first week I regretted it because it felt like all I was doing was writing but in the end it is worth it. The journal & videotapes helped to show everyone I wasn't crazy-  that Michelle really does need help.




**Whatever you do, do NOT give up! You are not alone!**

Meet Michelle!! Aspergers or Autism - Doctors don't know! But we love her anyways!

I have a daughter who is 31 months old. She is exhibiting many signs of Autism or Aspergers. We are just about complete with the testing right now. She has 99% been diagnosed by the doctors are torn between High-Functioning Autism & Aspergers because she doesn't speak but is learning how.
 I've found there are limited supports in my region so I have decided to reach out here. The difference between Aspergers and Autism is the speech aspects so I am thinking my daughter is more of a "High-Fuction Autistic" than aspergers but I'd love support, help and to support you!

**Keep an eye out for my group on Facebook "The Asperger & ASD Child- From the Testing and Beyond!" I'll post a link in my next blog when I'm 100% set up!!


Here is a bit about my daughter from the ASD/Aspergers aspect:

Since birth: Severly delayed sitting up, didn't walk until 21 months, NEVER babbled ever, and finally repeated her first word at 27 months.

Other stuff:
•She gives eye contact, after about 3 minutes of trying to get her attention, but the eye contact is limited to a glance at me then gone.
•She mouths everything; eats sand, paint, crayons, toys, grass, sticks
•Meltdowns (screaming, crying, kicking, etc) at the slightest bit of change in routine or if her sister gets into her space or even over the smallest of things!
•She doesn't socialize. She loves to be near the kids some of the time but never actually plays with them. She'd rather do her own thing!
•She doesn't play pretend games, ever. And limits her interested to cars (she carries them), sticks, and bracelets.
•She can say a total of 20 words freely, repeats EVERYTHING (words and actions) and doesn't understand instruction.
•We did testing on her and her motor skills etc are to that of an 18 month old.
•When we ask her a question she repeats the question rather than answering yes or no.
•She fixates on foods (pickles, hotdogs, chees slices) and has meltdowns if I try to give her something else.
•She flaps her arms (I call her my little bird lol) when excited, or mad, or concentrated.
•She also constantly for no reason bangs her head off the wall, hits her head, flicks lights on & off (for hours), and open/closes doors


And here is a bit about my daughter in general

• She is so kind and gentle
• She never hurts anyone physically or verbally
• She is high energy and loves animals (especially our kitten - except for when she tries to eat his fur lol)
• She is very polite and always says thank you.
• She learns very quickly even though she can't speak; knows all her body parts
• She loves to be near other kids and really enjoys playing alone
• Michelle can always make you laugh! She is a ham!
• She is very dependant on everyday things but still such a grown up independant little girl
• Michelle will get along with anyone and smiles at everything
• Loves to watch the wind blow the grass, spiders climb a web, and cars drive by.

Most people don't understand Michelle and think she's a shy, whiny little girl that gets spoiled all the time but she's not. She's just unique!

Signs & Symptoms of Aspergers in Girls

We have come to realize that ASD & Aspergers are common in both boys and girls but are rarely diagnosed officially in girls. Many people are familiar with the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome (AS) in boys, but this disorder may be far more difficult to identify in girls. Unusual behaviors, intense interests, and sensory dysfunction may all be more subtle in girls, leading many parents and educators to overlook this syndrome as a possible diagnosis. However, there are thousands of girls diagnosed with Asperger's each year. With therapy and emotional support, many girls with Asperger's live happy and successful lives.


One of the most challenging aspects of being a girl with Asperger's, affectionately called an "Aspergirl," may be getting a diagnosis. Without the behaviors commonly associated with AS, the condition can go undiagnosed, but this does not mean that it is undetectable. Girls with Asperger's syndrome have the same difficulties with sensory processing and social navigation as boys. In addition, females have telltale intense focus on a particular subject of interest.

The difficulty getting proper diagnosis is that the symptoms of AS are internal, involving processing differences that manifest differently in girls. Emotional processing is inherently different in male and females. Boys with AS may tend to display aggression and frustration, bringing attention to a possible problem. Females, on the other hand, are less prone to act out. Neurotypical peers and adults often tend to treat females differently as well. Following a checklist for Asperger's may not always bring the condition to light because the female may not demonstrate the internal difference; she does not manifest behaviorally.

Here is some common symptoms of Aspergers in GIRLS:

Social Symptoms

A girl with Aspgerger's may exhibit the following social symptoms:

• Appears excessively shy or avoids interacting with others or making the first move socially
• Seems uncomfortable during conversation and may struggle with eye contact
• Usually has only one close friend at school
• May play appropriately with toys and engage in pretend play or may focus on organizing objects or toys
• Often shows empathy and compassion but may be confused by non-verbal social signals
• May have difficulty fitting in with peers due to clothing and hairstyle choices

Communication Symptoms

The way an AS girl communicates may also be different from her peers:

• May have an exceptional vocabulary
• Tends to mimic rather than providing natural responses
• May converse in predictable, "scripted" ways
• Seems to struggle with non-verbal aspects of communication, such as body language and tone of voice
• May use odd inflection
• Appears to have difficulty dealing with unexpected verbal responses

Behavioral Symptoms

The behavioral symptoms of Asperger's in girls may be very different from those in boys due to inherent differences in emotional processing:

• Less prone to act out physically or aggressively
• Intense focus on a particular subject, often involving animals or classic literature
• Appears anxious when there are changes in routine
• Practices rituals that appear to have no function
• May play with dolls or toys well beyond the typical age for these items
• Appears to have attractions or aversions to sensory stimuli, such as textures, foods, sounds, or visual patterns
• May engage in limited self-stimulating behavior, such as hand flapping, rocking, spinning, or shifting from foot to foot

Physical Symptoms

AS also manifests itself in the way a girl carries herself:

• May have difficulty with fine or gross motor coordination
• May become easily lost, even in familiar surroundings
• Has an odd posture
• Resists physical games or sports

Getting More Information

Although there's a great deal of information on boys with AS, it can be more challenging to find resources that will help parents and teachers understand how the condition presents itself in girls. The following blogs, websites, and books can provide more information:

Aspersgirl.com: This website and blog by a girl with AS provides lots of helpful information.

Autism in Girls

There are many signs and symptoms of Autism. But why is it that more boys than girls have been diagnosed? Most of the symptoms are similar but a few vary with the gender of the child, making a diagnoses in girls less likely. Here is a video, and some information to help that mom, dad, or caregiver during the testing of their potential Aspie or Autistic girl.

Watch this video of a young Autistic girl and her struggles in the school yard and her mother's struggle with the doctors. It is an inspiration to keep going when all doctors don't see what we at home see!

The primary differences between Asperger's diagnoses in girls and boys seem to be caused by basic differences in the ways boys and girls express themselves. Aggressive behavior is more noticeable, and a child who is overly aggressive is more likely to be evaluated. Because girls have a greater ability to express their emotions, they're less likely to act out when they're upset, confused or overwhelmed. Without this behavioral "compass", the other aspects of Asperger's are more likely to go unnoticed.

Another similarity between ADHD and Asperger's in girls is that the symptoms are more passive in nature, which makes them more difficult to notice. Because the symptoms are milder, parents are also more reluctant to bring their daughter in for a diagnosis.

Some experts speculate that one reason fewer girls are diagnosed is because their peers are more likely to help them cope in social situations, which is where Asperger's symptoms are most readily identifiable. Nurturing is instinctive in females, and so the friends of a young girl with Aspergers will intuitively comfort her when she's upset, or guide her through social interactions. In contrast, boys tend to be more 'predatory' and therefore more likely to tease a boy with Asperger's. Because a girl's friends do their best to help her, her parents and/or teachers may never see symptoms - or may not see them often enough - that would warrant a clinical diagnosis.

One of the key symptoms common between boys and girls is a hyper-focused interest one particular thing or topic. For boys, the special interests are often in areas of science or transportation (trains or airplanes). In girls, the focus is often on animals or classic literature.  The interest in and of itself isn't unusual, but a child with Asperger's will have an unusually intimate knowledge of his or her topic of interest. Young girls may play with dolls and have imaginary friends, which doesn't seem at all unusual. However, her interest in these things will continue even when she's a teenager and they should have been outgrown.

Because social situations are stressful and awkward for girls with Asperger's, they often learn to mimic people who have stronger social skills. They may adopt someone else's mannerisms, facial expressions and even vocal intonations. Again, this is sometimes misinterpreted - especially in older children or adults - and may be misdiagnosed as a personality disorder.

Dr. Tony Atwood, in his paper about girls with Asperger's, noted that girls "are more motivated to learn and quicker to understand key concepts in comparison to boys with Asperger's Syndrome of equivalent intellectual ability." As such, he predicted that girls would fare better in the long run, if they're properly diagnosed.

Parents who suspect that a daughter may have Asperger's should seek the advice of a trained medical professional. Be sure to take note of the behaviors in question, including frequency and environment in which the behavior takes place. Because Asperger's symptoms are so much more subtle in girls, parents should consult with someone who specializes in Asperger's.

As with other behavioral or learning disabilities, children with Asperger's have specific educational rights. Parents of a child who's been diagnosed with Asperger's should familiarize themselves with the school district's policy about things like specialized learning plans. Often, a young girl with Asperger's need just a little extra attention to keep her on track toward reaching both her academic and personal potential.